Writings

The Tell Signs Of Abuse

Written January 14, 2021

5 min read

It took me nine months to share this and 12+ years to realize my self-worth. It took me three years to move forward from a persistent, emotional and mentally abusive relationship to blindly fall into another one not long after.

Not only was it emotionally and mentally soul-sucking, but it was physically abusive too. It has been a little over a year and a half since I dared to get out of that relationship. Whether it be a relationship or substances, to call it quits on any abuse to make a real change within my life.

I took the picture on the left shortly after getting out of my last abusive relationship. When I looked at the photo and myself in the mirror, I didn't even know who I was looking at anymore. I felt lost, shame, guilt, fear, sadness, angry, and defeat. Not only defeated by years of abuse but by life itself. I started slipping into a dark hole, not wanting to get out of bed, crying for endless hours and feeling like I didn't know what I was here for anymore.

Deep down, though, I knew I wasn't going to be like that forever. So I took a selfie to remind myself of everything I have overcome, to push forward through the darkness continually and to love myself more each day.

From past addictions to abusive relationships in all aspects - being cheated on, lied to, hit, pushed, touched inappropriately, talked down on, manipulated, controlled, and the list can go on. Ultimately, not loving myself from a young age and putting myself in situations that I thought I deserved..lead to a crashing pit of losing my soul and purpose.

As I reached my 20's and nearly died a few times, I started to get a different perspective on life. I started learning about gratitude, being thankful and the higher power. Interestingly, it was never a part of my life until nearly losing it. Now it's a daily practice for me that has led me to a healthier and conscious life. ✞

I've been sober for almost a year and a half. The first six months were quite painful, to fight every urge of habit not to escape from reality but to face every uncomfortable feeling I ever ran from since a young age. I had no choice but to deal with the repercussions of the pain my body held onto from all sorts of trauma.

If I didn't have the support from my husband and my fur baby's love, I don't think I would have healed as rapidly as I have. Since facing everything head-on instead of hiding has allowed me to reach a level of contentment and realization.

More people go through or have gone through the process I have experienced. I know a handful of girls that have been through the wringer of abuse and silently deal with it. I guess the point I'm getting at is, the longer you hold onto your past, the more pain you will ultimately feel.

It takes a lot of love and acceptance to heal yourself, to let go and move forward with more of an open light heart.

The path is unknown yet already paved for us. It's your choice to pick the course you want to journey. It's your choice to know what you deserve and your choice to have a life you are proud to live.

If you or anyone you know has suffered or is going through any form of Abuse. I am here to listen, be an open ear, and give advice where I feel suitable. I have had numerous people reach out to me since I've been more open with the Abuse I've been through. Nobody is alone, and that's what we all need to come to realize to help one another!

Please, Contact Me!

All the love and light,